Moms that Bully

Every community is plagued with one: the self professed Mayor of the town; the self appointed President of the popularity list; and the uncontested Mother of the Year recipient. My community is no exception however, here we have bestowed a more suitable moniker upon this individual: Bully Mom. When you look below the surface, she is nothing more than the adult version of the schoolyard bully everyone feared becoming the target of in grade school.

Bully Moms are inhabiting communities everywhere. In my town, the mother I refer to as Bully Mom readily earned her reputation. Although afforded some legitimate power through the occupation of her husband (PD), the majority of her power she derived coercively.

Not long after relocating into town from out of state, Bully Mom latched on to my daughter and I like a vice grip. It quickly became apparent that she viewed my daughter as a rival and wanted to keep her close, at all costs. Bully Mom dropped her daughter's former friends like a bad habit and began proclaiming to everyone in the community that her daughter and mine were "BFF's Forever," as if claiming ownership rights. What I initially perceived as overbearing I later would identify as an abnormal obsession. As my daughter attempted to establish other friendships Bully Mom would exhibit anger towards me, and additionally, guilt my daughter into feeling like she had betrayed her "BFF." Bully Mom would make demeaning comments about my daughter's other friends as if to make her daughter appear to be the superior friend. Bully Mom made attempts to undermine my parenting decisions. For instance, after stating my position to her many times prior that my daughter was not permitted to text with hers (or any friend), while at a sleepover Bully Mom instructed my daughter to call both my daughter's Father and I in her unrelenting effort to get a yes from one of us. My daughter came home in tears, distraught that an adult pressured her to do something she knew she wasn't allowed to do. Stalking became a frequent occurrence, as well. The night my daughter was beginning dance class, Bully Mom showed up and enrolled her daughter in the class, despite already being enrolled at another studio.

My daughter became increasingly confused as to why her "friend" refused to allow her to pursue her own interests, accolades or other friends. It certainly took an extraordinary amount of energy and many lengthy discussions to counter the unhealthy messages Bully Mom was imposing on my daughter.

It was time (long overdue) to remove my family from this dysfunctional friendship. As expected, in the process of doing so, Bully Mom reacted in typical Bully fashion. She became enraged that I would not allow two forever "BFF's" to play together. She began a community crusade to ostracize me. Her daughter pointed and whispered at my daughter at school. Unable to stand losing the control she is so accustomed to, Bully Mom ultimately picked a fight with me and attempted to physically intimidate me (5'8' 160 vs. my 5'5' 112). The provocation did not end well...for me.

Certainly much discussion and debate ensues as to what our children should do if they become victims of bullying. Some parents encourage taking a stance and fighting back to discourage the bully's harassment. Experts emphasize the role of bystanders and their significance in combating bullying by standing up together in an effort to eliminate the bully's power. Ultimately, we teach children to tell an adult should they become a victim of bullying. Laws have been established and schools are being held accountable in an effort to protect innocent children from the torment of bullies. The rules change however, when you become an adult. There are no laws that protect you from the Bully Mom.

Bully Mom eventually became so enraged at the loss of her daughter's esteemed friendship that she angrily confronted me at our daughters' dance studio, backed me into a corner, verbally berated me, repeatedly screamed in my face "You're a Wimp!" She attempted to intimidate me both verbally and physically. I was not at liberty to handle it like one would in the schoolyard. This I learned the hard way. After one punch, Bully Mom picked up the phone and called the police. Baited. Hook, line and sinker by the cunning predator that she is.

Beware of the Bully Mom. Her Narcissistic behavioral patterns and tactics are easily identifiable. She thinks she knows best about everything, and will tell you even when her opinion is not solicited. She is especially adept at pointing out your flaws or mistakes. She perceives herself as superior. Not only does she think she is more important than you, she views herself and her family as more important than the entire world! Her desires and feelings become the focus of all of your interactions together. Often she is angry or jealous because she feels entitled to whatever she wants and anything or anyone that interferes with the attainment of such will become her source of contention. You only have value to her if you can offer her something desirable or otherwise worship her. Anyone who does not, or gets in her way becomes the enemy. The world is bound by her rules, yet she can do whatever she wants. She will strike back should you ever disagree with her or choose to distance yourself.

If this sounds similar to someone you know, do not become a victim. Remove yourself as fast as you can, or you too, will be sucked in. We must take a stance together, within our communities, against the Bully Mom. Our children and our self respect are worth it!